The End Goodbye to an Already Lost World
by kjcharmed
Summary: Based after the end of season 5. The apocalypse has begun and is about to end. Dean's POV. Follows the story of how he lost everything, everyone. WARNING: character death and adult content.
1. Chapter 1

5/10/09

The End: Chapter One

"Sam!!"

He saw his brother's face every time he closed his eyes, every single time. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had enough sleep to rest his body, to ease his mind. He didn't know how long he had been living in the apocalyptic world: weeks, months, years. He didn't know, but it felt like a lifetime.

He remembered the day it began, burnt forever in his memory and heart. He'd come so close to losing his brother countless times. He often thought that he should have never bought Sam back, he should have left him dead. Flashbacks flood his head: _holding Sammy in his arms._

"_Look, it's not even that bad, it's not even that bad alright. Sammy. Sam!"_

If he hadn't been such a coward he would have done just that, but he didn't know how to live without him. He didn't know how to continue the fight without his brother by his side. Not like he did now. The past few; who knows how long, had been without his brother.

_As fires raged: smoke and ash filling the air, buildings fell and body after body littered the streets. Balls of lightening descended from the heavens, destroying everything in their path. All of creation burnt and died. As the demons walked the Earth, the angels fled, leaving the humans to fight the impossible battle alone. _

_The brothers fort their way to Cas, locked down by countless demons he had helped to send back to hell. By the time they finally reached him, he was bloody and broken. Their last hope in finding God: gone. Dean remembers to look on his brothers face: hopelessness. He knew it was the end._

Back in the present Dean reaches for a precious bottle of whiskey. As the bottle touches his lips he remembers how it had felt when alcohol could numb the pain, could make him forget. He had hit the bottle, using the sweet liquid as his last lifeline. He could feel his brother's eyes on him sometimes, could feel the disappointment and loneliness eminating from him. He wished he could go back, he wished he could be the brother he needed him to be.

_After they had lost Castiel, Dean watched Sam slowly break through intoxicated eyes. Dean watched as his brother's faith fade to nothing. His need to save those who were still left vanished, was there even anyone left to save? Dean wanted to say something, do something to give innocence back to his little brother, but he was so far gone the only thing left for them in his eyes was death. _

_Not long after they had driven through Kansas, non stop because Dean couldn't bare to see the place that was once home. He drove, his eyes never leaving the road, not until they were clear. Sam didn't say a single word. Dean should have been worried but he didn't have it in him. Maybe he had drank so much that alcohol laced the blood pumping in his veins permanently now. Silence hung over them for days, or at least he thought it was days. _

_Then one morning, as the sun burnt redder than it ever had, Dean woke to find __**him**__ standing over his brother's body. Dean rubbed his eyes, he'd had this nightmare his eyes again,__**he**__ was still there. It was then that Dean noticed the pain on Sam's face, the fear. _

"_He is dead. You could never save him matter how far or fast you ran I was always going to find him. "_

_**His**__ eyes sparkled, __**his **__voice heavenly. __**He**__ really was an angel. _

"_There is nothing left for you now, no one left to save, no one left to love."_

_With that __**he**__ was gone, leaving behind a picture of devastation: a broken man crying over the lifeless body of his brother. _

Dean drank more deeply from the half empty bottle. Anger, rage and hurt flooded his body at the vividness of the memory. It felt like yesterday, he could still feel Sam in his arms.

_Pulling his brother into his embrace, Dean screamed for salvation. __**He **__had won, while he had lost. Sam's blood stained his shirt, leaving one last mark on the world. Tears spilt over the edge, they would not washed away the blood from Sam's face. Dean pulled his brother closer, holding on for as long as he could. _

"_Sam."_

_It came out in a whisper. _

"_Sam..I'm...sorry." _

_As his endless flow of tears turned to sobs, Dean felt the desperate need to run. They had been running for so long, he knew how to do it so well. But this time he would be alone. With no Cas to guide him, no Sam to ground him. There was only Dean._


	2. Chapter 2

The End: Chapter Two

_It was dark and cold. As the sheet of rain beat down harder on the roof of the Impala Dean begged for sleep to take him. He had been driving for too long, desperate to put as many miles between him and the scene that had caused him to lose the only person left worth living for. He'd raced down highway after highway, no longer restricted by a speed limit. Town after town sped by, just a blur in the rear view mirror. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. Time had no meaning: life had no meaning. Now he closed his tired eyes hoping the darkness would bring him some peace, even if only for a short while._

As Dean downed the last drop from the bottle, he prayed for that comfort now. He'd forgotten what it was like to sleep; to drift away to somewhere else, to be some one else. And he'd fogotten what it was like to close his eyes and not see his brothers broken corpse. How he prayed for that to go away. But praying was no use, there was no one to answer him. He tossed the empty bottle at the opposite wall, it smashed to pieces shattering the silence.

He laughed, he didn't know why, but he laughed. Dark and raw, his voice barely remembering how to work. It sounded strange to his ears. He'd been alone for so long, with no one to talk to, only silence. Since continuing the journey by himself Dean had only found one other person: Kellie? Carly? No, Kayla. That was it: Kayla. He didn't know how she had survived, but she had. She could have been his salvation and for a while she was.

_They travelled the ruined world together, they found hope in each others eyes. Loneliness faded away and comfort was found in the arms of the other. Though Dean never forgot what had happened; he couldn't, he would forever be scarred by the loss of everything he held dear, he found a growing faith in the life he now lived._

_He never told Kayla of how the end had begun. And he knew, from the look in her eyes, that she knew he was holding out on her. But she never said a damn thing. She was everything he needed her to be. She fought by his side when the demons tracked them down, she drank away his pain with him and she reminded him of his more human instincts. _

As the hysterical laughter died away, Dean's weary eyes searched in the almost darkness of the room. Thinking about her made everything seem that much worse. She had filled some of the gap Sam had left in his world. Without her now made that emptiness even bigger. The wounds she healed reopened, the scars she helped to fade appeared brighter. As if losing his brother hadn't been punishment enough, he had to live through losing her too.

Dean pushed his head back against the wooden wood, eye lids closing on blood shot eyes. He remembered it, all of it, in perfect detail. She had fallen to sleep in his arms, just like she did everytime they made love. He would follow her into the realm of hopes and dreams, mesmerised by the sound of her gentle breathing, and the rise and fall of her chest so close to his. It was just like many other nights they had spent together, except that this would be their last.

_He woke to find her like that. He hadn't heard a thing, he wasn't meant to. Lucifer walked the Earth, claiming it as his own now. He was capable of anything, anything at all. As each day pasted he felt a flicker of hope that they would now be left alone, but deep down Dean knew he would get to them eventually. And now that day had come. _


	3. Chapter 3

The End: Chapter 3

_He knew she was dead the moment he saw her. He had seen enough dead bodies to know. He pulled her close to him, she was still warm. He treaded his fingers through hers, closing his eyes, willing the tears to come. But they never did, maybe he had no more to give. Craddling her head, he bent to kiss her lips one more away he wiped the metallic taste from his own lips. Gathering the little strength he had left he pulled her up into his arms and carried her lifeless body outside. _

_The red sun was just about to break over the horizon as he finished digging. He couldn't give Sam the final resting place he deserved, because his only thought at the time was to run, but he was going to put her to rest the right way. He probably should have burnt her corpse, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't watch anything else that pretty burn to ash. _

_As the sun rose higher, pink and red painted the sky a firey shade. The near by trees were stripped of their leaves, burnt-out skeletons of cars in the was nothing living in their poximity, only more death. _

_Dean laid her delicate body down in the shallow grave, wishing he didn't have to leave her, praying for one last miracle. The miracle he knew he would never recieve. As her fingers slipped from his own, he knew this was goodbye. Again. _

_"I'm sorry Kayla." How many times had he said that in his life? Too many. "I really am. You could have been everything to me, I truly believe that. You could have been the one. In a different time, a different place, a different life. You could have been the one I could have loved til my dying days."_

_Before his heart could break anymore,there really wasn't enough left to lose, he covered her body with dirt. As the last of the dirt blotted out her image, he knew he would never forget that face, just like he would never forget his brothers._

Dean clutched at his chest, he needed more to drink. The memories were too painful, he could feel his heart literally breaking apart beneath his ribs. Pulling in a ragged breath he knew that his time was almost here.

He didn't want to continue on in a world without his brother, without Kayla. He didn't want to fight anymore. What was left worth fighting for? He knew Lucifer was out there waiting for him, waiting to finish him completely. He had dreamed about it, just like he had with Sam. He could picture that beautiful face, those glistening eyes entirely focused on him. Dean could feel the power, the control **he** had. He almost understood why** he** had done this: destroyed the world. Almost.

He dreamt of **him** standing over him, watching him. Wondering. It's like **he** couldn't quite understand something. Like maybe, just maybe, he was hesitant. Maybe he didn't want to do this. But then in the next instant, **he** places his hand on his head and for a second everything is glowing and white. Then there is nothing but blackness.

Dean smiles as he thinks of the nightmare, he had seen it four times now. It must be close. But he would never let Lucifer take him, never let **him** win completely. He had his own ending. Dean reached down to pick something up from the floor. He had been preparing for this for a while, working up the courage. He knew there was nothing left for him in this damanged world, nothing for him but more pain and loneliness. And he had had enough of that, he'd had more than his share.

He tied the dirty rag around his arm, pulling the ends tight. The adrenaline pumping through his veins should have been enough, but he wanted to do this right. He was only going to do it once. The alcohol should numb any pain, if he felt anything at all. Picking up the syringe, he held it up to the little light there was. There was just enough to do the job, he hoped.

Lucifer would not take him tonight or ever. He was going to end this himself. He was going to find the peace he was so desperate to find at last.

_He wandered in darkness from that day on. He knew he couldn't stay here for much longer. This world only brought him pain and suffering. He wanted it to all go away, he wanted to feel nothing. He just wanted to be left, left forever in the darkness that followed him, surrounded him. From that day, he no longer saw the sun rise, no longer saw it fall behind the horizon. Forever the scars will remain, imprints of a life he once lived. He could barely remember what it had been like: living on the road with his brother, fighting evil, saving people. It was just a distant remnant of what once was. It barely felt real to him. _

He leveled the needle up with his vein. It was now or never. Dean took a deep breath and smiled as he thought of Sammy, Kayla, both of them waiting for him. He never believed that there could be something more, but after everything that he had seen he had to hope. Just once more. Slowly the liquid entered his blood stream. Blood, alcohol and heroin pumping through his worn out body.

He could feel the end. He could see it. There was no going back now, no one was going to save him this time. He forced the last drops of the liquid into his arm. Dropping the syringe it clattered onto the floor boards. The noise echoed around him. Warmth spread through him. His heart pounded harder that it had in a very long time. Then it stopped, the beating ceased.

He had his ending. There was no happily ever after. Dean Winchester's body lay abandoned and forgotten in a run down shack in the middle of no where. No one would find him, but even if they did, he was gone. As the sun sets, bringing the cold: this is the end of days.


End file.
